sometimes i compose letters in my head

Saturday, July 31, 2010 |

To random people I’ve silently judged. Not that I’m like, eaten up with judgment or obsessive or anything (much). I just sometimes send these things in a mass email to people who know the real me (and will still laugh at my jokes). Side note: I am snarky, silly, weird, and absurd. Mostly on the inside, but you know, that’s how I roll. These people requested that I make my letters public. I apologize in advance. Or something. Enjoy!

Dear Petite Lady in Jogging Suit,

I saw you judging me (yeah, those dark glasses don’t hide everything, do they?), but I still gave you a real smile in case it was just a bad day. Making eye contact and then frowning? Not cool. Plus, it’ll give you even more wrinkles. Ta!



Dear Guy Clipping His Fingernails on the Bus,

Oh hey. I understand your commitment to personal hygiene, I really do. You're a handsome dude, and you want to take care of yourself. PUT. DOWN. THE NAIL CLIPPERS. That stuff is just not acceptable in a public setting. Ever. Yeah, that's right. Pull out your sci-fi novel and keep your dead skin cells to yourself.




Dear Self,

You know you are a nerd when…you figure out a way to download a book to your crackberry and then read so intently that you miss your Metro stop. And have to circle back. Try to pay attention. Also? You already have too many books. And you don’t have any room to judge the tourists when you’re freaking missing your stop. Geez.




Kristen M. said...

Haha! You're cute. :)

Melissa (Avid Reader) said...

These are awesome. And I have absolutely missed my stop because I was reading, more times than I would like to admit.

She said...

Clipping nails in public?


Nomes said...

haha. I love it.

You're awesome and I'm sure, always finding someone to compose letters to. You should be like an agony aunt only for people who dont realise they need one :)

Darlyn said...

This is so cute. A good soothing method ;p

Alyce said...

I had to laugh at the last one. I missed the bus often enough after school as a kid because of reading that I got into big trouble when it happened (my parents had to drive a half hour to the school to pick me up). That's why I hardly ever read on public transportation also - I really lose track of what's going on around me.

Sullivan McPig said...

If it wasn't for the fact I cycle to my work, i would so miss my bus stop too for the same reason.

Jenny said...

Oh I totally do this. And then I ring up my sister and tell her all about the people I am judging.

Lauren said...

So funny. I would actually read a book of these.

Lisa said...

Love the letter to the nail clipper guy! The gal that used to clean our office said that she would often find nail clippings on the floor in the men's bathroom. More private, I'll grant you but seriously, you're sitting on the toilet clipping your nails???

Tales of Whimsy said...

This is brilliant!
And so totally therapeutic.
I must try this sometime.

vvb32 reads said...

ewwww, the nail clipping in public, just ewwww.

Peaceful Reader said...

I've missed my stop as well! Deep reading can be a trouble! These letters are hysterical!!

J.T. Oldfield said...

thanks to facebook, i want everything to have a like button, 'cause all i wanted to say to this was, "i like this". go ahead. judge me.

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